Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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