When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
