i can't believe i had my finger in that
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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