with your own penis?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
