I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
