that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
