It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Randomize
