i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
