I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize
