I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize