i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
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