I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize