I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
