Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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