STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
