WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
