dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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