i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
