I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
