She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
