I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize