Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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