Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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