When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
