Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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