I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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