All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
