People in love make me want to vomit
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
