Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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