check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize