she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
