Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
