Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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