She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
