please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
