I got chris browned last night
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
