Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize