A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Two words: blizzard sex
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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