Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
