your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
