Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
