Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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