So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
