Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
there is another microwave in the elevator.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
