we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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