literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
