i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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