he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
