So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
