ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
