How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
