ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
