Ambien. No doubt about it.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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