I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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