is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
