Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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