Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
