Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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