Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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