You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
