So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Fuck me I smell like cheese
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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