did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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