I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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