The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
