Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
