I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Randomize
