There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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