you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
