try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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