woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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