Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
