Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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