You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
