OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
These tits shall not be calmed
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
